on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
