this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
