My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Success! We fucked roommates!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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