I want to walk on stilts...naked
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
