I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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