Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
