it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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