I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
