I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
