I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
