Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
