My liver just broke up with me...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
