i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
