So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
