He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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