This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
