I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
