I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
