just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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