Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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