but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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