If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
