I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
