I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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