I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Randomize
