I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All the doctor said was why
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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