Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
