Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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