standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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