Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
