OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
