I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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