i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
