your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
