He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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