if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize