thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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