Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
