awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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