Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
