the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
the raccoons are back...
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