Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
