Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The power of my boobs compel you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
