I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Come share oat with me in your robe
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
