remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
