Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
