smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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