omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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