No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
