I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
