when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
